What You Need to Know About the Nuclear Explosion in France

I had a rather long drive to the airport through the wee hours, and when I arrived I needed a bit of freshen up and something to keep me awake, so I bought the new lipfinity lipstick from Max Factor and a pack of TUC crackers as well in the tax-free shop. I was in a desperate need of a cigarette but of course all signs read no smoking - it is just one of those days in a traveler’s life you know. Something about the planets or Neptune or something being in a wrong position an astrologer might argue. I am not sure whether I believe in that superstitious nonsense, but I do believe in John F. Kennedy and other tangible things such as swans, doves, eagles or other birds nesting in our world. Along in my suitcase I have brought a few necessary items when leaving home to explore the world - in this case Saint Remy de Provence, the very place where Starry Night by Vicent Van Gogh was painted – among those items is a book to read on the journey, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, a cocktail onion to keep away evil spirits, a Dessert Eagle to keep away thieves, a chainsaw just in case, and last but not least a hammer to close my crammed suitcase. My suitcase is not the only one that is crammed; the airport is also crowded with people shouting at each other in a foreign language, at least that is how it sounds to me. A speaker announces that it is the last call for the flight to Saint Remy de Provence so I hurry down to gate 3. Standing in line waiting is not awfully exiting so I pick up on someone’s conversation just to pass time,

“It is back and forth all the time! One day I’m sweet, and the next I’m not. I cannot handle it anymore!” she whispers rapidly.

To which he sourly replies, “It’s a mad cow, bitch!”

It quite amusing when others are having a hard time as well; it kind of elevates you when you are having an off day yourself so I entered the airplane heartily leaving behind my sullen mood as we take off. Inside the cabin there are safety signs everywhere showing you the emergency exits, seatbelts on and all the necessary information, as if you ever have any trouble finding the lavatory in that little tube. I fall asleep to the sound of a snoring man and a screaming child competing about whom can make the most noise, and wake up to the same annoying voice of the child asking “are we there yet?” probably for the hundredth time. There should have been a sign saying “slow, children at play” at least to warn passengers of the horrific presence of children. Thankfully, we arrive at our destination at that very moment. I step out in the fresh air of France and breathe in the scent of freshly baked baguettes…

(By: Søren Peder, Maria, and Jeanette)

List of ingredients

• 2 overheard conversations: “It is back and forth all the time! One day I’m sweet, and the next I’m not. I cannot handle it anymore”, “It’s a mad cow, bitch”
• 3 species of birds: Swans, doves, eagles
• 2 brand names for food: TUC, Kellogg’s
• Text from 6 signs: Slow children at play. Restroom. Exit. Caution. No entry. No smoking.
• The name of a planet or a star: Neptune
• The name of a lipstick: Max factor lipfinity
• 1 time of day: The wee hours
• The title of a book of fiction: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
• The title of a painting: Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh
• The name of a dead politician: John F. Kennedy
• 2 types of union and 1 type of potato: Cocktail onion, Scallion and sweet potato
• 3 items from a hardware store: Chain saw, Food processor, Hammer
• A make of gun: Dessert Eagle (world’s most powerful hand weapon)
• Something a child might say: “Are we there yet?”
• Title: What You Need to Know About the Nuclear Explosion in France