Grim New Year for rail passengers - (Tim & Søren)

The station was packed with eager travellers waiting impatiently to get a start on the weekend. The clock was nearing the magical 1337 which would trigger the arrival of the train. I looked around. A sign that said: “Touching wires causes instant death. $200 fine” was neatly printed on the fence which separated the station from the rest of the world. An eagle soaring high above broke the uncomfortable feeling of impatience long enough for me to imagine the tranquillity of my destination. The train was here. We went up the steps in a line, carefully  “minding the gap” and found an adequate seat in the back of the train. Or so I thought. Not one minute later a woman walked in with her hysterical kid that kept screaming: “I hate you” to his mother. Apparently, the source of the dispute was that the mother had refused to get the kid a snack pack of a Nestlé “Kit Kat” bar. I came to think of the power lines the sign outside had warned me about. It could have been a convenient little accident. On the other hand, $200 is a lot of money. The inside of the train was decorated in a theme inspired by the painting “The Persistence of Time” by Salvador Dali. I was awakened from my trance caused by the interior by a woman asking me if the seat next to me was available. I said that it was and she sat down, reaching for something in her purse. I noticed that it was a Vogue lipstick and a book called “Blood Meridian”. Suddenly, the woman spoke to me: “Where are you going?” What kind of question was that? I felt like yelling: “I am on my way to JFK International because I shot my wife through the head with a Desert Eagle” but I chose the civilised way. “I’m going to Europe on business”. Before she could ask me anything further, we were interrupted by the sandwich cart and the lady pushing it asked if we wanted to purchase anything. I bought a sandwich with potato salad and red and brown onions.  It was quite despicable but I ate it. Suddenly, I was scared by a noise coming from a laptop computer. It turned out to be the brat from earlier who had put on a cartoon with Woody Woodpecker. On the laptop several stickers was put on.  I read “Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again” and “Need Prayer: The Best Position Is On Your Knees”. I looked out the window again and at the same time we passed a diner called “Nachos As Big As Your Ass”. We passed it by quickly so I could not be sure that it was the name. All of a sudden, the train brakes was on and we were yanked forward. We had just recovered when a man armed with hammer, power-drill and screwdriver came through. We got a message over the speakers that a pigeon had somehow caused a malfunction. To calm us down, they put some music on. It was a piece of music by “30 seconds to Mars”. God, will I ever get away?