A Walk
We took a walk in the wood and she was as sweet as the day was full of sun. I look at her as she walks on the path past the bloom of the rose. She is so fair and sweet that you feel like she could live for a long, long time. This sense of life stays in the air as long as she is here.
Nicely done. You should have kept the present tense in the first sentence as well to make it consistent, though. That would also underscore that the text is about presence, hers... I like how the last line adds something to Master Will's original text!
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