Morality, point of view of a hack"prophet".
The 10 commandments ver. 2.0
- First off, I'm the Lord, your God. Recognize. Except Sundays, that's my day off. And I gotta leave early Friday to drive my mom to the dentists... really.
- Thou shan't not have any other gods but ME, 'cause I'm really insecure and those other guys seem way cooler than me :((
Thou shaaan't compete in American
Idol, hm wait... that doesn't sound right, something about Idols.- Futhermore, thou shantsest take thy Lords name in vein, because name calling is really childish, grow the fuck up already! Geez.
- Remember the Black Sabbath and keep it holy, even though Ozzy is a washed up senile junkie.
- honour thy father and thy mother and thank them for not wearing a condom at that Christmas party all those years ago, bang-up job guyzzz.
- Thou shan't kill, unless it's someone REALLY annoying, like mouthbreathers or people who end sentences with propositions.
- Thou shantests so not commit adultery, unless you are both really drunk and/or on roofies.
- Thou shan't not either steal, unless it's some really nice stuff that you just GOT to have and you are broke and noone wants to borrow you the money and then you totally have to pay them back.
- Lastly, thou shant'z bare false witness against your neighbor, now the guy down the block is totally fair game, he is a douchebag jerk anyway.
Now do all this shit or you are SO
going to hell. Peace out, ass-hats!
Brilliant. Really funny. Especially that you might be killed if you end a sentence with a proposition (and not preposition). If these commandments were the real ones The Godfather would be a much shorter movie :D
ReplyDelete"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." - Winston Churchill
ReplyDeleteBaring witness is cute too - is that like baring your ass to someone? The rest of us have a hard enough time BEARING the burden of bad spelling!
But - seriously funny text...