Rewriting My Duchess

I am an emissary from far away

I think: Boy, what should I say?

I am a man of much lower class, here to talk to the duke

Soon, I will learn that the ruler is but a puddle of puke

“Your Highness”, I started, “You know..”

The duke interrupted: “Let me show you something, yo”

He pulled a curtain aside in the bright room

A picture of a fair lady, a story of doom

The duke hollered: “Is she not a fine-ass tail?”

I answered: “Indeed. Top of the scale”

“She was whack”, the duke said, “I had her head on a spike”

I wondered if the duchess had turned dyke

“Her smile caught the eye of every cat in town”

That was the duke’s reason why the duchess had to go down

Only he could see her smile, the picture is hidden from the layman

The duke was as crazy as anything starring Matt Damon

I mumbled, “the bride has arrived”

(Of one relative I will soon be deprived)

“That is as dope as anything” the duke said with joy

When I am done with him he won’t be so coy