[A young man in his early twenties sits in his room on a couch. Spread out around the couch lies what appears to be half of a sandwich. The man looks up as the door opens and a young, brown haired man enters with a somewhat disorientated look on his face. The brown haired man starts talking.]
Phil: “Hey Daniel, I've got a question I have been meaning to ask you.”
Daniel: “Okay... sure, I guess. What is it?”
Phil: “Are we...”
[Phil pauses as Daniel interrupts him]
“Daniel: “Whoa, whoa, now champ. Let me just make sure I understand you correctly before you continue. I need to know that you have a clear understanding of everything you are saying”
Phil: “How do you mean?”
Daniel: “Well, you always do this thing, where you say something convoluted that you have definitely not thought through.”
Phil: “Okay, that came out of nowhere. I don't recall ever doing such a thing.”
Daniel: “Really...?”
Phil: “Really!”
Daniel: “ Okay, but for good argument’s sake let's first get some word definitions straight so we know what you are talking about.”
Phil: “But I only said, 'are we'”
Daniel: “Well define 'we'.”
Phil: “We... as in you and I, the two of us.”
Daniel: “Okay. I guess that makes sense. So if 'we' means the two of us, how do you define 'are'
then?”
Phil: “Come on man... 'Are' as in the verb 'to be' conjugated to fit the subject of the sentence: 'we'.”
Daniel: “So by saying 'are we' you simply mean to ask me my opinion about something the two of us may be?”
Phil: “Of course! Why are you being so weird, all of a sudden?”
Daniel: “Well the last time we spoke, I thought you were telling me that you were hungry or maybe you were telling me about some guy called Ima from Hungary, or maybe it was a knock knock joke but it was really hard to tell because there was no context.”
Phil: “What the devil are you on about?”
Daniel: “You know, it literally happened just ten minutes ago...”
[Phil just gives Daniel a look of mistrust as Daniel continues]
Daniel: “You came walking through that door chanting: 'Ima Hungary, Ima Hungary. Yo Daniel, Ima Hungary!' And then you continued to slap me across the face every time I tried eating my sandwich while cheering: 'Knock knock Daniel, Ima Hungary, knock knock!'”
Phil: “I can't really say that rings a bell.”
Daniel: “Of course, it doesn't and we will probably never know because you have the attention span of a horny squirrel and the memory of that guy from Memento...”
[After a short break Daniel continues]
Daniel: “Look Phil, all I am saying is that I want avoid any misunderstandings before we even get started.”
Phil: “It's only a four word question and now you have even made me explain two words that couldn't possibly have any other meaning.”
Daniel: “Okay then. I guess I should be prepared to answer your four word question then. What is it?”
Phil: “Are we battleship legendary?”
Daniel: “Are we battleship legendary... That's the full question?”
Phil: “That is correct!”
[Daniel sighs deeply]
Daniel: “Are you seriously aski...”
[Phil cuts off Daniel halfway through the sentence with a wide grin on his face]
Phil: “Whoa whoa there champ, slow down will you. Define 'seriously'”
[For a moment Daniel's eyes turn completely white as he grinds his teeth but he quickly composes himself again]
Daniel: “Seriously, as in: This might hurt but it is only because I seriously intend it to!”
If you are not already familiar with Tom Stoppard's play "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" you should take a look at it. You'll love it!
ReplyDeleteVery nice job of doing absurd drama - very ambitious. Did all that come out of "legendary battleship"?
Actually it came from "are we battleship legendary" and it reminded me of something nonsensical that my friend might say.
ReplyDelete