Phrase:
Where I am, where you are, anyone
Backwards phrase:
Anyone are you, where am I where…
Where am I?
Where anyone can be
Where are you?
So everyone can see
Common ground-
Not a simple sound
Just a place to make my pace in this living race
Drive this cart just to make a start
But like it or not
This is what I sought
Where are you?
Where Am I?
I like the questions and the way you use them. The most interesting thing is in the middle, I think - the phrase "common ground". I'd have liked to see more of the poem speak to that, for instance telling us why the 'you' of the poem might not like that place. You might want to revise the text a little with that in mind...
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
ReplyDeleteI revised it, does it still need more?
I think it's better now, esp. if one hasn't read the original, where the "you" was a bit more important. Now it's more of an "I" poem all the way through. I would leave it as is.
ReplyDelete